Log in

No account? Create an account
Follow me now to a place... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

(no subject) [Mar. 29th, 2004|09:19 pm]

My journal is now friends only. If you'd like to be added I will be more than welcome to add you. Just comment to be added. :0)
link8 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Mar. 27th, 2004|01:58 pm]
So apparently I have become a person that some people don't want to know anymore.

It's funny how you change yourself so you can help yourself and in the end everyone hates you for it. I just changed while I am in school. Out of school, I am myself. People don't even try, so why should I? It's not my fault that I am busy or that I am grounded or that I don't have money like the rest of them. I don't want to depend on people so much for money. I feel embarressed. I hate taking/borrowing money from people. Why do they think that I am not going because I don't want to? You know, people sometimes really only care about themselves.

Most people don't understand what I'm going through. What it feels like to be upset. What it feels like to be abused. I don't like it when people lie to me just so they don't hurt me or just so they don't piss me off more. Did you ever think about talking to me instead of making judgements and decisions. And you really wonder why I hate people?

If you want to know me, try living in my shoes. Try living in this house. Try hearing what people say to you. Try doing your best to please people and no matter what you do, they bitch about it. And when you find those few people who actually accept you and don't critize you for every single little fucking thing, they accuse you of leaving, they accuse you of ditching them, they accuse you of being selfish.

I guess I'm just as shallow as people put me out to be. Maybe I'm a hypocrite? You'll really never fully understand unless you talk to me and figure out what the fuck I am doing.

I'm just a liar.
I'm just selfish.
I'm just a jealous bitch.

Am I? Am I really?

Or am I just trying to move on and actually get myself back to normal.

Is it a crime to think of yourself for once? Is it so wrong to actually try to surround yourself in a half decent environment. And when you're not in one, to not act like you are happy to please everyone around you?

I have changed. But instead of critizing me about it, did you ever think why I changed?

I am not the problem. All of you are for being so stubborn to actually realise what is happening to me. For not looking at what I am doing and taking it as if I'm being a bitch. Why can't you just realise that I am still me? Open up your eyes because you are killing me if you don't.
link11 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Mar. 22nd, 2004|03:07 pm]
[mood |apatheticapathetic]
[music |Audioslave]

Things have been okay for the most part. This week has been pretty eventful I guess.

Friday and Saturday we had game/movie night at Meeshell's. It was fun. We all had fun kicking eachother asses in Smash Bros. Damn Meeshell and her stupid hammer of doom!! *shakes fist*

Stalking the guy in the van was AWESOME! Haha!! Those dudes were hilarous!

Very good memories!

Friday I had a job interview at the Ritz. And I got hired right then and there. So I have a job now. Woo...fucking...hoo... I started yesterday. It was okay. I fucked up a couple of times, but who doesn't on their first day. I work again on Wednesday then again on Friday. They are cool ppls there.

I opened my own checking account on Sunday. So I have my own account...my own mac card...the whole works. I feel so "powerful" now that I have checks. I know...I'm a loser.

I'm thinking about getting another tattoo. One of the ones on the side of my leg. My little elvish fairy thing with the vines. I'm just going to start out and get my outline done then when I get more money, I'll color it in. I'm not sure when I really am going to do this...but I'm just thinking about it. It would be nice if I could get it done before I go to college, but I doubt that will happen.

So, I am off to go to therapy...maybe he can figure me the fuck out.
link4 comments|post comment

Opeth [Mar. 16th, 2004|06:03 pm]
7. Credence

Deserted again.
You speak to me through the shadows.
Walking in closed rooms, using cold words.
Captured by the night.
The yearning escapes from my embrace.
Strange silhouettes whisper your thoughts, scream your sadness.
And they all turned away, unable to face more of this death.
Credence in my word.
Written in dust, tainted by memories.
I confess my hope, recognize my loneliness.
Your laughter weeps the truth.
Push me into corners.
Confirming the epitaph of my soul
and displaying the once unknown KARMA.
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Mar. 14th, 2004|11:37 pm]
I swear that I have multiple personalities. I have a hyper-active little kid at times, where I go crazy and bounce off of the walls. This childlike figure usually doesn't last very long. Next, I have just Amber. Quiet and creative, a well-rounded person who gets along with almost everyone. Then, there is depressed Amber. All I do is sit there and think and cry. Then we can move onto the Bitch. I am a complete bitch, and sit there and yell and get pissy with everyone. At the same time, I want to kill almost everyone who talks to me. Lastly there is super depressed Amber. Where I feel as if nothing will ever get better and I want to end my life. I think that it won't matter if I dissapear because I just seem to fuck up everything and everyone's life anyway. Those might seem like normal things for everyone...but mine...all 5 of those people happen in one day. They change quickly and frequently. I was about 5 mins ago #5 and now I'm a #4.

Sometimes I feel as if I am going insane. Like right now...yet again my mood has changed and I am #3. I'm almost on the verge of tears...

I just don't get it...I really don't.
link3 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Mar. 12th, 2004|03:19 pm]
Pi is Katie because her circumference is perfect...

That made my day in history class. Good one Amit!
link1 comment|post comment

(no subject) [Mar. 6th, 2004|12:32 am]

I adopted a cute lil' kitty fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Mar. 5th, 2004|11:58 am]
[mood |frustratedfrustrated]
[music |something w/ angels in the name-Soilwork]

Fuck I'm pissed.

What I got:

What I needed to pass:

I have to be in basic reading because of ONE FUCKING POINT!! The guy told me that I will be able to take the test the first day of class, and if I pass it, which he said that I should, I'll go straight to english composition. I was soo pissed. Goddammit!

College shit is so complicated! I have a whole new packet of shit to fucking fill out. Blah! I'm gonna get fucking writers cramp from all of this shit.

I'm trying to think of a way I could somehow live in Philly...someone told me that it's not that expensive as everyone puts it out to be. I want need to get out of this house! *sigh* I really don't think it's going to happen though.

I can't wait till spring break. I get to go to Maryland and get away from this house before I go insane.

I'm reading this financial stuff for college and my first year is going to be $14, 577!! Holy...fucking...shit!! And somehow I have to pay that off in 10 years! Gah! This is going to kill me!

Grr...I am so in the mood to like make out with someone! This sucks...I hate it when I'm in the mood to do something with someone and there's no one there/here...so frustrated...

Well, I'm going to finish filling out these papers and blasting Soilwork.

Till next time...
link2 comments|post comment

I need help!!!! [Mar. 4th, 2004|09:08 pm]
[mood |annoyedannoyed]
[music |Megadeth]

Does anyone know how I could get my hands on a external harddrive? I don't want to buy one, I just need it for like a day or two so I can transfer files from one computer to another...

Or is there some site that I could dump all of my stuff onto and then get it?

Or is there any other way to accomplish this task? If you have any answers please comment or email me!

link3 comments|post comment

Another day passing me by... [Mar. 4th, 2004|11:25 am]
[mood |dorkydorky]
[music |Leech-The Haunted]

I'm just sitting here in the computer lab thinking of stuff...This computer is so slow. It's driving me nuts. I type way faster that this stupid piece of shit can process.

Our play is next week. I'm not sure if it will come together or not. All of you need to come! I have college placement testing tomorrow. oh fun...

Ambar told me, well forced me to say that she's chilling in the room with me. She's a bit hyper. She's playing with my hair. She's a bit scary...


I just thought that I'd do a quick update. I'll do a more in depth one later on.
linkpost comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]